Tag Archive | God

So Deceiving

Hey Reader’s! It’s currently 3 in the morning, and I’m just laying in my bed right now (after having to walk to the bathroom and back), thinking about how crazy it is that my legs can be experiencing the level of pain they are right now, and look completely fine. Like, how is this much pain not visible for all to see?! Yeah, there may be some swelling, but for the times when I don’t swell up (like now), it just blows my mind. I feel like this amount of pain should be physically seen by all. I guess in a way it is, because it’s a lot harder for me to walk, that’s IF I’m able to walk, at all. I’m laying here looking at my legs, and they look as fine as can be…LIES. Anyway, this may just be the pain and pain meds talking. I hope everyone else is having a pain free morning. Later!

So deceiving

Chest Pains…

Hey Reader’s. So, I’ve been having chest pains on and off for over two weeks now. In my previous blog, I wrote about the difficulties of living with Sickle Cell, during a pandemic. Well, one thing I forgot to mention is the fact that I have also been having chest pains, and there is basically nothing I can do about it. Sickle Cell chest pains are already difficult to deal with, I’m sure my fellow Warrior’s can attest to that; pain medication for some reason doesn’t touch chest pain, at all. So, to be dealing with this during a pandemic, is very hard to do. Thankfully it hasn’t gotten as bad as I KNOW it can get (which is crying my eyes out, bad). I have been having slight trouble taking deep breaths, and when I start moving around too much, it hurts worse. I’ve had pneumonia several times, so I don’t think that’s what it is, but if I keep having trouble taking deep breaths, I’m worried that’s what it can turn into. I know that my blood is low, so maybe that has something to do with the pain. I may have to just bite the bullet, and see if the Sickle Cell Day Clinic is even open right now for patients, and go get treatment if it is. I just don’t want to back myself into a corner to where I end up in a really bad crisis, and have no other choice but to go to the hospital. I will definitely keep you guys updated with this, so until next time!

Life Lessons

Hello Readers! I hope all has been well with everyone. As for me, well, not so much. I’m still in and out of the hospital, due to the Sickle Cell Crisis’s I’ve been having; and now with my stomach problems on top of that, it’s almost impossible for me to stay out of the hospital for any long period of time. I’m trying to stay positive though, hopefully I’ll get a break from being in the hospital soon…fingers crossed. Anyway, I’ve really been trying to decide on whether or not I should write blogs when I’m not in the hospital and sick. I mostly only write when I’m hospitalized, but I think I’m going to change that (whenever I’m finally out of the hospital, that is). But, I didn’t want to wait any longer to write a blog, so I just decided to do another one while here. I mean, this IS supposed to be about my trials and tribulations of living with Sickle Cell, and that definitely includes being hospitalized so…..well, I wanted to just put my thoughts out there, and see what you all think. It seems the more I get sick and therefore have to be hospitalized, the more I think about life. Not just my life but life in general. When you’re stuck in a place of no forward motion (and for me that means not being able to move on in life because of my sickness) you’re really able to have a greater respect and appreciation for life. It’s funny how, when you’re in the mist of living your day to day life, you don’t realize how blessed you truly are. I feel like, because I’m constantly sick and in the hospital, my life has come to a standstill, in a metaphorical sense, that is. I find myself daydreaming about doing things that would seem, pretty mundane to others. Like going to church, spending time with my friends and family, going out, working…don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed or feeling sorry for myself, I just miss the act of actually LIVING life. I know there are people out there who has it worse than me, so I don’t have a right to be depressed or feel sorry for myself. I’ve really just been trying to take everything that has been going on with me, and examine it all and process it, so that I can receive the lesson that God has for me. It would be easy for me to just give up, and expect my life to always be this way, but I truly believe that in going through all that I am going through, He is preparing me for something greater to come. What that is, I have no idea; this of course, doesn’t mean that after I’m finally feeling better something great is going to happen, and I will never be sick again, of course not. I’m a realist, I know that this disease will be with me, and a part of my life, until the day I die. But I also know that, this isn’t it for me. When you’re sick so often, and have a lot of scary moments, what with: getting dangerous infections, possible blood clots, extreme crisis’s, surgery, blood transfusions, etc…of course, you think about death. When I think about death, it’s not something I fear, I just have a great amount of respect for it. I know this is my one and only life, and if this is where I’m supposed to be in life, then so be it. As long as I’m still able to live, I’m happy. Well, thanks for reading; so glad I did this blog, I just wanted to get that off my chest. Feel free to leave your comments, later Readers!