Tag Archive | Mental Health

Biting The Bullet

Hey Readers! Praying that everyone is doing the best they can during this panoramic. I have been doing well with my social distancing, but my health is another story. My health has been slowly declining to the point where I’ve had 4 very bad Sickle Cell crisis, back to back. I was actually doing really well, I hadn’t been in the hospital for a little over a year, and I was feeling good; now, not so much. This wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to endure all of these crisis’s at home. Due to the panera bread, I haven’t been able to go to the hospital; not because they won’t admit me, but because I’m scared of catching the virus. Even when Covid-19 wasn’t a thing, I caught infections MANY times just from being in the hospital; it just became another part of the treatment in the hospital. My immune system is that compromised (I don’t want to say weak, because it has obviously done a hell of a job fighting each and every virus away). With that being said: I just don’t want to risk going to the hospital and catching Covid. So now, because I’m not getting the proper treatment I need, I just keep getting sick. My body is working overtime trying to heal me, and my hemoglobin (red blood cells) are so sickled now from not having any blood transfusions, that they don’t have time to be replenished between crisis’s. I keep telling my Primary Doctor, that I need a blood transfusion. She talked to my Hematologist and he said my hemoglobin wasn’t low enough for one. Usually when I’m in the hospital, they transfuse me when my hemoglobin level is a 6.1 or lower. When they checked this time it was a 6.7. Mind you, that’s still low! So, it really upsets me that I keep having to try to get them to understand that even though I’m not going to the hospital, I am having pain crisis just as bad as the ones I get hospitalized for. I know my body, I can literally feel when my blood is sickling. About a week ago, I had an appointment with my Hematologist, so I made sure to go, even though I’m still hurting. I get there, and of course I’m in even more pain now, and they can definitely tell. He asked if I was going to go to the hospital, and once I adamantly told him no, he seemed to realize just how much I’m against that now. So, he finally told me that the next time I started hurting, to call the office so that he can set something up, outside of the hospital. I was going to call to set something up, but with the way my body has been feeling, I honestly don’t think one day of treatment somewhere will do much. I’m going to just have to suck it up, and go to the hospital. When your body is in constant pain, it is incredibly draining mentally and of course physically. I hate it. I just want to have a nice, pain free day. I’ve talked to several different people whom also have Sickle Cell, and have been in the hospital. They have all said that the hospitals are doing a great job of keeping all the patients safe, so I’m slowly but surely becoming more comfortable with the thought of being in the hospital again. I was hoping to get vaccinated before my next hospitalization, but with the way my body is set up right now, that’s definitely not going to be the case. Speaking of the vaccine…that’s another thing that’s been on my mind lately. I was against getting the vaccine, at first. When I had my appointment with my Hematologist though, he changed my mind. Dr. Blyden is a great Doctor, and I trust his judgement on this subject more than my own; so when he said he definitely recommends that I and all Sickle patients get the vaccine, I’m going to trust his judgement on it. Especially when he said that people with SCD don’t do well at all, health wise, when they catch Covid. He said it in a way to not scare me, but I know he meant a lot of them have died from it. Well, I’ll see how I’m feeling in the next few days, and go from there. Remember to stay safe, and cautious during this panini, readers!

So Deceiving

Hey Reader’s! It’s currently 3 in the morning, and I’m just laying in my bed right now (after having to walk to the bathroom and back), thinking about how crazy it is that my legs can be experiencing the level of pain they are right now, and look completely fine. Like, how is this much pain not visible for all to see?! Yeah, there may be some swelling, but for the times when I don’t swell up (like now), it just blows my mind. I feel like this amount of pain should be physically seen by all. I guess in a way it is, because it’s a lot harder for me to walk, that’s IF I’m able to walk, at all. I’m laying here looking at my legs, and they look as fine as can be…LIES. Anyway, this may just be the pain and pain meds talking. I hope everyone else is having a pain free morning. Later!

So deceiving

Quote Of The Day

Hey Reader’s! 2020 has really been a year of tests in both physical and mental health, it seems. So, I thought this quote was very fitting. Don’t give up, don’t let all the negativity in the world corrupt you. Know that this too shall pass, even when it seems like the finish line is nowhere in sight. God is in control, and the final say is always His! You got this!

When Will It End?

When will it stop? When will people realize we are all created equal, and should treat each other as such? I’m tired. I’m tired of constantly seeing black people killed for no reason other than the color of their skin! I have just come to the conclusion that it will never change. Black people have been fighting for equal rights for too long, and we’re still having to deal with the same racist people/government. Jacob Blake was shot IN THE BACK seven times by the police! While protests were going on for this senseless shooting, a 17 year old white male, Kyle Rittenhouse, was able to walk around freely with a AR-15 and shot 3 people, killing 2 of them. Racism is just so blatant now, it’s astonishing. There’s video of officers telling this male: “we appreciate you being here”, while he’s just casually walking around with this semi-automatic rifle. He was even handed a bottle of water from one of the officers in an armed vehicle. Once he shot these 3 people, he casually walked up to a group of police officers and told them that he shot someone. Did they arrest him then? No. They just let him walk on by, completely unharmed. Now, why is it that this white male is still alive after killing people, but Jacob Blake is paralyzed now because he turned his back on the police while trying to get away? So, that’s how it works now? Everyone that tries to flee from the police now don’t get tasered, tackled to the ground, chased, or any other number of tactics to arrest them? Or is this really just because of the color of his skin? Some people are so scared of black people because they feel like we are such a huge threat to them, that they feel the only way to go about things is to kill us. I really try to not let these racist things get to me, and change my viewpoint on things, but it’s getting harder to do. The world is becoming scarier by the day. There’s so many other things to be focused on besides the color of someone’s skin. I will never understand that level of hatred, and I don’t want to. I don’t know what the solution is, or if there ever will be one, but from the looks of it, we’re a long way away from that. I shouldn’t have to feel unsafe whenever I leave my house, because I don’t know if someone will try to harm me because of my skin. I’m tired of it. So sick of the hate.

Quote Of The Day

Hey Reader’s. I just wanted to share an encouraging quote today, for anyone who may need it. It’s amazing the darkness and depression some people are able to hide so well. With the news about Tamar Braxton trying to commit suicide, and the worrying tweets Nick Cannon posted, you just never truly know how a person is actually feeling. I pray that they both get through whatever internal battles they are going through. The same goes for all of my reader’s who may be in a dark place in life right now. This too shall pass! But, if you feel you need help, or just for someone to listen to you, please call: 1-800-273-8255 the suicide prevention hotline. You matter!